Got a toothbrush?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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