I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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