The maid of honor just puked.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
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I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize