She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
