Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
