omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
