can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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