if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
