i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
