I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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