Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
this just has baby written all over it
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
