get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
