weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
