omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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