I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize