im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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