Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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