I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My cat gives me a boner
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
