1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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