Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
