fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
