at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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