It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
