I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
