you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
