: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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