were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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