i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
