Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
