it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
