She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
