I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
