we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
