Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize