I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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