I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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