You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
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The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
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I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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