Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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