I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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