I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
