a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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