So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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