she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
