Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
