Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
