for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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