as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got a message the other day that just said “great titsâ€
A gentleman AND a scholar
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