i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
