I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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