I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
