I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
