period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
