Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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