No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im holly from the hills drunk
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
