I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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