I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
