I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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