AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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