Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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