I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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