between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
