she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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