I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
