Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
