Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
