R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
