he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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