But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
