My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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