Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So apparently I’m into choking now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
