some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
