Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
