very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
