Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My hand turned me down
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Randomize
