She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize