We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
