From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
