Heybabeimwearingurpanties
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
